My Fear

My fear is not that I will die one day.

Nor is my fear that once I die there will be nothing left of me.

My fear is that I'm not making the most of the precious time I have on this earth. My fear is that try as I might, I don't know how to.

The 'Real World'

Used as a tool in which parents use to instill fear and responsibility in their kids, this phrase can often be heard in our society, most likely being delivered by those who are considered by themselves only an esteemed and responsible elder. I have often been confused as to the exact meaning of the phrase, but thank god it was recently, and very scientifically summed up for me by a 40-something: “when you reach working age lol!! Xx.”

Thank god we have these elders to guide us, with their “lol’s” and their quick puns, otherwise we might actually be in trouble of out-achieving them. And god knows what would happen if our generation transformed the “real world” into something that presents opportunity and fun. Ironically, I always hear the phrase said by a woman of post-30ish years.

But before this ‘real world’ constricts our lives and plugs us in, let us not forgot what has come of this apparent and so apprehensive “real world.” For instance, did you know that some people’s job - their actual JOB, which they get paid to do, and are respected for, - is to jump off cliffs in a winged suit and land safely on the ground. But I guess most wouldn’t consider that the real world. Wouldn‘t it be cool if there could be a job where all you have to do is generate from scratch a world of magic spells and silly teenage romances and get paid to plot it on paper. Oh wait, that’s been done. And that brand is worth £7 Billion. And I can bet you an entire year of her earning's that she doesn't tell her kids to "wait till they get to the real world".

Let’s make it more relative though shall we? Not everyone creates Harry Potter or jumps off a cliff every day. You could do it though, if you didn’t barricade yourself in your esteemed ‘real world’ where you stress about every little bill and laugh out your jealousy at those who you warn will quickly be knocking on the cold wooden doors of the ‘real world.’ Instead of doing that, you could be pursuing something you love, and wake up with a smile for. Whether it be taking photographs or landing that hand-modelling job you’ve always wanted.

This new, modern ‘real world’ which is so readily accepted by resigned citizens and depressed housewives could actually change its meaning and become: “wait till you get into the real world, it just gets better.” Now there's a phrase I have yet to hear.

So for all you bored housewives in a mid-paying job, you go off and enjoy your ‘real world’ which you seem to so readily patronise us with, and we’ll go off into our new ‘real world’ and actually make something of it.

Now

I need to make it. I need to be free. I need to be independant. I need to get out of this place.

And it needs to be...

...Now.

Want. Can. Should.

Porsches. Sun. Beaches. Girls. Houses. Admiration and Grandeur. All things Hollywood has conditioned us to desire. Ok, so that’s a tough goal. And sometimes, it feels like a lifetime just isn’t long enough to conquer all of that. But there must be a way - something to hold on to – to get you there.

What I’m more interested in right now though, is not conquering that in a lifetime, but fast-tracking it, and getting there soon. Very soon.

Yes this may stem from a serious and unyielding superiority complex I have going on. But there's a difference. I really am prepared to put every hour of every single day into something that I know can get me there. So that’s half the battle. The other half is coming up with, or getting involved in, an idea.

Recent attempts at promoting an idea have proved unsuccessful and while that doesn’t immediately indicate its failure, it doesn’t represent the initial boom that many successful businesses experience. Whether this is from poor execution of the idea or there just isn’t much active interest in it, I don’t know. As Jamie Cullum says, blame it on my youth. But as far as I’m concerned, figuring out what you want early is important, hard though it is.

What I do know from today though, is that walking into those decaying cunty jewish mother hotspots they call cheders is not something I want to do. Those are the type of institutions from my childhood that I dreaded waking up for and from the moment I walked through the door, I wanted to get out again. And I had to do that today, twice. Regardless, we coped and were nice about it. But these are the people we want to provide a service for, and ultimately get involved with? No thanks.

So there it is, I have to figure out what I actually do enjoy and maybe fit those pieces together to create a possible job.

Giving it some thought, I find that I enjoy – and in no particular order - the following:

Music

Driving

Gaming

Gym

Films that bring a smile to my face and television programs that make me stand up in awe.

Annoyingly, I have no particular skills in any of those.

So, feeling of the day:

Fucked.

Not Just Yet

In 30 minutes I will enjoy yet another change in my age.

Do I want that though? Not just yet

The next half an hour of my life doesn't happen everyday, and if I have to turn while playing Cod, I can honestly say I am happy to do that.

While I will still remain in my teens (thank god) I still feel like I haven't done enough.

The 21st Century is a century of achievement, and I personally have only followed a very average list of achievements: Pubes, School, Chest Hair (not just one...ok maybe just one) and University.

While I, god forbid, have no wish to be Justin Beiber, I wouldn't mind having his cash or gash. That's a silly thought. However, it would be nice to be somewhere other than a cold London bedroom in a hand-me-down gown.

Nevertheless, I live a pretty good life and sitting around with the family on a friday night really does make you appreciate that. I continue happily though, with the thought that ahead of me is a huge adventure, lots of delightful squanderings, and a chance to make a name for myself.

And saying goodbye to possibly one of the most significant ages of a person's life in 23 minutes time enlightens one to the fact that life is moving forward, and quite rapidly.

So, this next year marks the start of Absolute Action (AA). A noun phrase which I shall mutter to myself at times in replacement of the old fashioned carpe diem. In order to match the speed of life, we should match it with our own strong drive towards the pursuit of happiness, starting just 18 minutes from now.

19 is a big deal purely because its thought to not be a big deal. Essentialy, it's one of those ages people are perfectly happy to count off as insignificant. And this just makes life go that bit faster. Every year is significant, we just have to make it that, despite the number.

In 12 minutes time, I leave behind the first 18 years 364 days of my life. This all sounds deep and prophecy-like. That's because it is, slightly.

Anyway, I think that's a pretty good time to finish. Now if you don't mind, I am going to ready 'Happy Birthday' by the Beatles, and in 6 minutes time will wake up the whole house with it.

Goodbye 18.

Hello 19.

Outlook

How we see life affects the way we live it. Some are content with a commute to the dead-end office job and back just to earn the infrequent holiday. Some, although increasingly less and less in the UK, gain their satisfaction from farming a yield suitable to sustain only their family.

If you don't come into either of these categories, here is a possible reason why not:

am·bi·tion (Noun)

/æmˈbɪʃən/ Show Spelled[am-bish-uhn]

an earnest desire for some type of achievement or distinction, as power, honor, fame, or wealth, and the willingness to strive for its attainment:

Ambition is one of a few traits that I feel is essential to being a human being. Without it life would have no meaning. And meaning is vital to happiness. But where do we go from there?

It can't just be - Fine, well done, you have ambition. What's for dinner?

That just does not cut the mustard.

Elaboration is needed. So we've got that ambition = meaning.

But surely it's ambition + fulfilment of said ambition = meaning.

No?

Where do we draw the line then?

In having ambition and with the help of Hollywood, we set ourselves up for big goals, which end up in disappointment in the event that we don't succeed. With most ambitions, this is quite often. But this must be better than no ambition.

I find it happens mostly when listening to music. But people may experience it through other means. I find that music opens up that part of your mind that 'thinks' further than your immediate surroundings. But, like film and other media, these thoughts could just be a means of escape, that only the very fortunate or lucky achieve. As the definition said, ambition is directly related to acheivement. Serious ambition must result in equally serious achievement for the ambition to be satisfied.

The next question is, do we live for it? Is what we actually live for, to achieve? Or is that just a bonus to life?

These things just make me wonder, that's all...

Three days, two essays

This is the part where I am supposed to say: "Don't leave your work till the last minute."

Yeah, not happening.

First off, leaving work to the last minute is an essential part of a man's routine, as important as being able to tie a tie, or putting your washing just next to the basket for shits and gigs. It goes without question. Does it earn the title laddish? No. It's just that normal.

Laddish would be not doing the work and fucking your teacher for the grade instead. But that's a story for another time. Note: this does not count if your teacher has a cock

So, if you find yourself in the position I am currently in, where you have now one more day to give in two essays, with neither of them finished, there are a few steps that must be undertaken. Oh, and this doesnt mean an hour per essay. Im talking an acceptable A/B boundary standard.

Firstly, if you're in this position, give yourself a pat on the back. You are, without a doubt, a man. However, its not all great. You have a minimum amount of time to do a maximum amount of work. Just because you have a few days left, does not mean you can only do a few hours and say "screw it, im out of time." That is not an option. You've done the manly thing to leave it this late, now you have to sort it out like a man -> Get to it.

Secondly, be prepared to sacrifice all social hours, gaming hours, football hours and extra sleep if-i'm-unconscious-I-have-no-choice-but-to-not-do-the-work hours. Those days are over, until the deadline. If after the deadline passes and you still experience this sacrifice, seek medical help.

Thirdly, if it hasn't already been made clear, you need to spend the remaining time until the deadline doing the work. Yes, it sucks. But it's only temporary and it will be worth it. This means that you have to be absorbed by your desk, your laptop, your books, your red bulls, your energy tablets, whatever. I personally reckon that the energy shit is a joke but hey, do what you need to do to get those hours in. Either way, become one with the piece of work. Once fully absorbed, you will notice time fly, the quality of the essay much improve, and a feeling of great satisfaction. If this feeling could be combined with sex and COD, then you've conquered the world.

So get off your arse in and in your seat. Write that title, and do this thang. Until then, you as you know yourself, must cease to exist, while robot-self takes over.

But remember: if you start to enjoy it, you're no longer a man. You are in fact, a poooosaaaay

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